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beginning makes our journey unique, however, is our negotiation of roles between Chinese father and Canadian mother, and specifically surrounding gender equity. Gender equity is a hard issue to work out generally, but now with a baby any hope I had for balance is skewered, yet again, by the full-time presence of my mother-in-law as our caregiver. Now we are two women and one man, one with Western ideas (me) and two Chinese people who think I'm extreme. It's my wobbly triangle. When my daughter was born... decade. A new gener... has to be here. At first, I was really uncomfortable with this level of sacrifice. The cooking, the cleaning and the childcare were all amazing bonuses that I don't dare complain about, especially when I see friends back in Canada struggle with daycare or juggle working hours with only occasional help from family, but the hours she put in! The complete devotion to the task of helping us manage our household seemed extreme. At times, this level of generosity made me look over my shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. When would I be presented with a bill? How could I ever repay this kindness? Was I being grateful enough? What was the catch? In that state of paranoia, my husband and I began a phase of fighting about why he wasn't taking on half of the childcare duties. In my Western eyes, he was falling short of my expectations and wasn't honouring his role as a father. I was incensed at his laziness when it came to washing diapers, for example, or his prioritizing work-related time away from home rather than coming home to be with his daughter. Or, worse, his apparent expectation that while his mother was in our apartment, she would just wash up every dish he used. My mother-in-law took me aside one day when we was not at home. Having witnessed yet another argument between us that morning, she expressed to me that perhaps I don't understand this aspect of Chinese culture. Her role here, she explained, was to respect her son in the equation — to lighten his burden, allowing him to maintain his former life rhythms, while helping me out with parenting and household management. I felt myself teetering backwards. I am expected to be a mother and caregiver but he is relieved of his fatherly duties by
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